Goal for the day

My goal for today: Every time I felt stress and anxiety beginning to creep up on me, I would stop, tell myself to put on a positive attitude, thank God for all of the good things He has given me, and then ask Him to help me to trust Him to get me through my day.

I think in a lot of ways, I fell short of my goal, especially towards the end of today. I hate feeling like I’m always behind, always playing catch up. Especially when you have a very intelligent, studious, and disciplined roommate, it can be discouraging to see how much work you still have left to do while she continues to get farther and farther ahead.

But I’m trying to train myself to transform how I think about things. When I get frustrated and undisciplined, I try to adjust my perspective, reminding myself that I need to enjoy learning, that I need to be excited about the skills I’m developing or the experiences that I gain from hands-on projects. I hope that having a better outlook will make my work more efficient and less miserable.

It’s hard, sometimes, to learn to glorify God in my schoolwork. Don’t get me wrong. I love school, I love learning, I love my professors, I love my classes and reading and the college lifestyle. But sometimes, the burden of deadlines and exams is just too cumbersome for me. I’ve come to realize that my threshold for stress is very low, and my ability to accumulate “stressfulness” is unlimited.

I was thinking about how much has changed since my freshman year. I met with my advisor, Professor Davidson, to discuss traveling abroad and approving my classes and such. I sat facing the window diagonally away from his desk—the same spot I always sit in. The same spot I sat in when I first met with him as freshman, fidgety, self-conscious, and unsure. Time has flown by without me hardly noticing. It sometimes seems like an odd day dream, the kind that feels so vivid yet still doesn’t seem real at all. In a lot of ways, I think back to the girl I was when I was a freshman. That Lynnette is more like an old friend, simultaneously familiar and distant.

I think I’ve changed and grown in a lot of ways. The old Lynnette would let herself succumb to the pressure and have a good cry. Or call home to complain. She would never consider changing her perspective and attitude. She would rarely stop to pray. Lynnette is thankful for how God is growing and changing her. But she still has a lot of growing up to do.