This. Means. War.

Ariel and Davina presented on Freud and psychoanalysis in Contemporary Literary Theory today. In honor of psychoanalytic theory, Ariel decided to bring her bright lime green foam miniature brain to class, which we happily threw around the classroom while we waited for Professor Malandra.

Buck (Professor Buchanan) usually saunters by our classroom door on his way to pick up papers or some other such nonsense before heading over to his playwriting class. Shirly happened to have the brain in her hand as he walked by, so she threw it at him. He was deft enough to dodge her foamy brain missile.

He, in turn, proceeded to grab the brain and use it as a projectile, with me as his target this time. The war was officially on, with him standing at the doorway, books in tow, and me sitting my chair from the other side of the classroom, hurling the brain as accurately and powerfully at each other as we could. Sadly, he managed to escape most of my attempts to knock some sense into him.

Once Professor Malandra walked in, we quickly clued him in on our discussion of how we could further harass our favorite professors. We tried to enlist his expertise in our efforts, but to no avail. It would greatly help us to know the weaknesses of each of the professors so we could attack them each one by one [*evil laughter ensues], but unfortunately, he was unwilling to betray his fellow professors.

Our discouragement was brief, however, because once class dismissed, we sneaked down to Buck’s office, bid our time in Dr. Van Zandt’s office—visiting with her while we waited for our classmate to finish her conversation with Buck—and finally snuck in with the green brain in hand.

Buck was leaning back in his desk chair, when we invaded his office, daydreaming with his hands clasped behind his head. Thinking quickly, I lobbed the brain at him like a grenade, watching my bomb land on his chest and shock him out of his reverie. Then we ran out of his office like a bunch of hoodlums and sought refuge in Dr. Van Zandt’s office.

We hid there, wondering how Buck would seek his revenge. I ventured a peek down the hall while Ariel hid herself behind Dr. Van Zandt’s door, and Shirly sat laughing hysterically at us from her perch on the ottoman. I was beginning to get nervous, because I didn’t hear or see anything down the hall. Professor Davidson walked by and gave me a funny look, since I was popping my head in and out of the doorway to scan the hall for danger.

I waited a little while longer, hearing Professor Davidson stop at Buck’s office to consult him on something. Thinking that Buck’s attention was diverted by Professor Davidson, I felt that the most eminent danger had passed and that all was safe again.

I turned back to reenter the conversation that Shirly, Ariel, and I were having with Dr. Vandt. Behind me, I heard footsteps approaching; I turned in time to see Professor Davidson walk by, take the green foam brain out of concealment, and deftly throw it at my exposed back.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of my situation. My own English department advisor had betrayed me, had joined leagues with my enemy, and avenged Buck on me. Needless to say, I don’t think you can find that kind of fun and mischief at any other school.